Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
