we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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