Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
