i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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