I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
