Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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