Me too!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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