I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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