I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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