You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
