dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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