She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
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I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize