you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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