People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
