A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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