I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
