I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
why do cheetos always look like penises
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
