Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
