im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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