plz talk dirty to me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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