it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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