You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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