i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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