....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
