I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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