She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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