Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
