70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
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I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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