I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
