No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
