you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
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no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
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Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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