I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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