and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
