dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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