someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
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Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
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I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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