it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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