Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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