used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
