Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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