Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
