this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
