The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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