You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
