I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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