I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
