If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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