i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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