she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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