maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
