And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Your penis caused this!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize