you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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