So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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