i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
