But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
