I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
