wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
They took my balls.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
