why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
