i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
