Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
