I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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