Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Barsexuality is the new black.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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