she looked like the before picture.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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