it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
