I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
