I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
