Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
