He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
