hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
