Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
