Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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