omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
