He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
