you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
