Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
